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February 8th, 2007
Joys of Motherhood
I just don't have time any more. I wish I did. But I have a son that naps for less than two hours per day, on average, and he'll only sleep if I'm in bed at night. And while awake, he's clingy and attention-seeking. So I'm sorry I haven't been here, but maybe in a year or two I'll return. We'll see...
Here's a general update, stolen from a comment I just made: Yes, everything went well. I ended up being THREE WEEKS LATE and getting induced at the hospital. The castor oil DID NOT WORK. Well, it *worked*, but it didn't cause any baby happenings. The little guy is now over eight months old- he likes to eat Cheerios and play the xylophone and shake his head no for so long it makes him dizzy and he falls over. He's a needy, high-maintenance type that clings to Mama but will warm up to others if they're patient. He sleeps very little, still wakes up around five times a night. Yes, five times a night. But I can't make myself let him "cry it out." Anyway, that's the update. I ended up gaining seventy pounds, but losing eighty-four, so HURRAH. I'm in size nine pants. :)
Current Music: Husband typing, humidifier scritchy-scratching
May 27th, 2006
Think good thoughts for me...
My midwife just called a few minutes ago and suggested a castor-oil induction. I've heard some pretty nasty stories about them, but I'm now officially two weeks late, and I'm sick of being pregnant. Basically, it involves making a smoothie that contains two ounces of castor oil, which then, uh, well, makes you well aquainted with the toilet for a while. And all that action in the nether regions stimulates uterine contractions. It doesn't always work, but it does quite frequently. Which is pretty similar to medical inductions... So, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to go out and buy some expensive icecream for the smoothie, because I figure if I'm going to go through all that, it might as well be a damn good smoothie.
May 12th, 2006
...Yeah, I'm still around...
I haven't used this site forever (mostly because I don't have internet access at home). Sorry about that... I'm currently hugely pregnant (due tomorrow, but I think Baby has different, later plans) and bored off my big, pregnant butt. We're planning on a homebirth, and have everything ready. Now we're just waiting for the kiddo to decide to grace us with his presence. Yes, it's a boy. His name is Avi. Sooooo... anyway, that's pretty much all that's on my mind lately. I'm sure lots has changed since I last posted, but I'm not sure what it all entails. :)
January 25th, 2005
My crazy dream last night
(First, a note: the characters in the opening scene are Ryan and me. When a new character appears, it's just that- they weren't there until that point- and some disappear the same way. Sarah is a seven-year-old girl that I babysit, but in this dream, it seems like she's my daughter)
...we decided to explore the cavern. It looked as though there was a ten-foot thick slab of marble that no one had ever noticed (how did they not find it when they dug down to make a foundation?), just below the surface of reality, and it extended out before us and to the sides infinitely, under the topsoil, under the clay and plants and pebbles. But this was an exposed edge! You can get under it here! We scrambled down the edge of the embankment and pulled aside hanging vines and walked in. It wasn't dark- it's big. A big round, half-lit room with dirt floor and dirt walls and dirt roof. There were many doors. Voices! Voices behind us, about to come through the vines! Were we supposed to be in here? What would they do if they found us? We were panicking, and ran to a door- ran through it: a swamp. Strange creatures live here. I don't know if I see them or not, but I know they're old and dark and amused with us. I'm afraid of them. The whole place is gurgling and overgrown, we picked our way through dry spots to the other side- through the trees... But Jonah wouldn't budge an inch further. He whimpered. We were frightened- he'll give us away! We wonder if they saw the open door and followed us into the swamp. We stood, petrified with fear and tension, staring into each other's eyes. Ryan says he'll take him home- I should go deeper in. Wait! Give me your cell phone- mine is at home on the table. Turn it on, but only answer if it's me. He thinks it's a good idea. But we don't even know if it's possible. Cell service in *this* reality? Under a slab of marble? But he gives me the phone and runs back the way we came with Jonah. I clutch Sarah's hand and we walk toward another set of doors. I choose one and find... a sanctuary? A meeting hall? It's huge and all marble, but has fallen into disrepair. Sunlight comes from somewhere, moss grows on nearly every surface, and where the marble shows through, it has narrow orange stains where water has dribbled for an eternity. We pass through this front room and find wide marble stairs leading downward. Below, we find classrooms! And then a laboratory! Wait, is that stuff in the beaker still bubbling? Again, panic. I yank Sarah down on the floor, under a table, and we're silent. We hear voices in the classroom outside the door. There are maybe five, ten people out there- laughing and talking while they work, cleaning, rearranging, making things tidy and neat and ready for use again. It seems like we've entered a new era- an era that they've been waiting and praying for. Just from the tone of their voices, I can tell they're Evangelical Christians. I decide we'll just have to walk out and pretend that we're part of their group. I hold Sarah's hand tight and we walk right through the room- they hardly notice us (Do they see us at all?). The room has been transformed. Surfaces that just minutes earlier had been covered in grime and dust and who knows what, gleam in the sunlight (coming from where???). Fifties-esque co-ed college students are pouring down the wide marble steps- the girls in sweaters and modest skirts with Keds, the boys in slacks and sweater vests. They all carry textbooks and are chattering excitedly, as if they'd known each other forever and it's the first day of school. Sunlight streams from behind them, making them look like glowing angels. I wonder if these are real people or ghosts. Are they angels? Are they aliens? Who built this place and why do they know how to get here? Why? We pause, enthralled by the scene, then dash up the stairs and through the front room, now busy with admissions. The place is just *crawling* with people, and every one of them is an Evangelical Born-Again Christian. One of the officials at the admissions counter is a woman in her late fifties with a permanent wave in her hair and a perma-smile to match. She's interviewing an eight-year-old boy, asking him Biblical questions. His proud parents stand behind him. The perma-smile woman smiles and nods and checks boxes on a form. I'm scared out of my mind. What is this place??? I drag Sarah out the door, expecting the wild mossy swamp. There are loggers and construction workers there, clearing it out. They exude the same cheerful feeling that they're doing the Lord's work. The swamp is still dark and heavy-feeling, with a crumbly earthen roof maybe fifteen feet up- it extends indefinitely in all directions. But the contents are being whipped into submission- resculpted into a perverse, unnatural "Eden". My eyes are wide and I gape at the scene. Then I remember the cell phone. Hiding in an as-of-yet untouched stand of trees, I pull out Ryan's phone and turn it on. It goes through its turning-on spiel, and informs me that there is no service. But, suddenly, the signal indicator bars shoot up to full strength. And then just as suddenly, they plunge back down to "no signal". Then back up! Then down. And then, inexplicably, the bars shoot up to full service, but become larger and larger, expanding into a pattern that becomes a fractal spiraling across the display screen. Without any better idea, I dial my phone number, hoping to get to Ryan, and it works. In tears, I yell, "I don't know if this call will last! It's a fractal signal!" I pray that my words aren't jumbled into a fractal pattern before they reach him. "What do you mean??" shouts Ryan. He is confused and agitated. "I don't know" I answer, "just come and get us RIGHT NOW!!" I flip Sarah onto my back and tell her to hold on tight, but she won't- she thinks it's funny. I reach back and smack her (I don't want to hit her, but it's the fastest way I can think of to get her to listen in a crisis like this) and she stops laughing and holds on tight and I run as fast as I can through the violated swamp. I know that the old creatures here are not amused by these new intruders. I know they're watching from the edges of the swamp. I run and run. There's Ryan! He grabs my hand and we run together- we're on the edge of an ocean shore. The sky is black and stormy and we're running across huge, craggy boulders- the waves are dark and angry and smash down on each other and the rocks, but we don't get wet. Finally, exhausted, we collapse on the biggest boulder. It's just Ryan and I, alone in the dark stormy ocean of wind and water and rock. Relief floods through me and I laugh.
January 24th, 2005
You Are a Seeker Soul
You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).
Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.
Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul
Happy Birthday, Evan!
My cousins just had a baby yesterday, so I drove up to Post Falls to visit them. He is soooo cute! *swoon* Big kid! Over nine pounds, and he had a little red circle on top of his head where they had to use the vacuum to pull him out. :) Poor mom. She was exhausted. I love babies. I wish I had enough income and time and could have a family... Okay, what I really wish is that I had a significant other who also wanted to have a family. :( Someday.
January 21st, 2005
No wonder I've been feeling stressed. I just made a chart of how I spend an average day:
8.5 hours sleeping
11 hours working and babysitting
If you haven't done the math yet, that leaves 4.5 hours in the day. This is how I use those hours:
.5 hour getting ready for work
.5 hour talking to my parents on the phone
1 hour cooking and eating dinner
Which then leaves 2.5 hours of time to myself. I only get two and a half hours to play with my cat, paint, take a nap, watch a movie, play computer games- HAVE FUN. RELAX. Plus do the dishes, water the plants, tidy the place up.
So I'm no longer wondering why I don't keep the apartment clean. I don't have time for it. My sanity requires those 2.5 hours of unstructured time every day. I just don't have time to clean.
January 19th, 2005
So the family I babysit for... they're awesome. The dad stopped by here at work yesterday and asked if he could have the keys to my van- said he had a friend that could take a look at it. And then the mom calls me at noon and says MY CAR IS FIXED!!! THEY FIXED IT FOR ME! Can you believe it?? I couldn't. I was so happy I actually jumped up and down and had perma-grin for, like, an hour. That's about the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. They just took my van and fixed it. I had no idea. *bewilderment* But, yeah. That made my month.
Current Music: Silence - Delerium
January 14th, 2005
My van is NOT a homeless shelter for John's Alley patrons.
I thought that went without saying, but apparently it doesn't. Somebody not only spent a little too much time in my car without my permission, but they decided they wanted to pay me for that privelege by SHOVING A KEY INTO MY IGNITION THAT DOES NOT BELONG IN MY IGNITION. I got to pay a locksmith $45 to yank it out (after trying unsuccessfuly to do it myself with a pair of pliers) and I don't know yet whether there was damage incurred to the ignition switch. I'm betting there is. So, let's add this to the tab of recent car repairs:
20.00 (transmission fluid)
Free! (replacement cooling line for transmission. Thank you, Schucks!)
250.00 (my dad's estimate on what it costs to fix an ignition that is mounted on the steering column)
368.00 (total for the last month's worth of car repairs)
But, you know, it's not that bad. At least they didn't steal the car or break the windows or anything. I'm still alive. I still have a home and a job. It coulda been worse. I'm really not as upset as I expected myself to be. Just a little frustrated.
Current Music: Dirty Little Thing - Velvet Revolver
January 13th, 2005
Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band
Created by naw5689 and taken 6126 times on bzoink!
|Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:||Pink Floyd|
|Are you male or female:||Atom Heart Mother|
|Describe yourself:||Outside the Wall|
|How do some people feel about you:||Shine on You Crazy Diamond|
|How do you feel about yourself:||High Hopes|
|Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:||Empty Spaces|
|Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:||Biding my Time|
|Describe where you want to be:||The Great Gig in the Sky|
|Describe what you want to be:||Comfortably Numb|
|Describe how you live:||Summer of '68|
|Describe how you love:||Interstellar Overdrive|
|Share a few words of wisdom||Careful With That Axe, Eugene|
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